come crawlin' on back like in some old country song

[un_gloved]

Rogue had woken up tucked up in a patch of sun on the roof, which had probably seemed like a great idea when she could fly and thought she was seventeen, but a little older and even just a smidgen wiser and with a piece of slender useless wood in the sash of her tunic, it was lacking somehow in appeal.

It was all right, though, because she needed some time to be alone and deal with the previous day. There was Gunn, who was a swell guy and all, but he'd decked her in the face and the had the bruise to prove it. Of course, she'd elbowed him in the chin and left a hell of a mark herself. She had to apologize for that.

She also had to yell at him for kissing her, though. And letting her kiss him back. And to make sure he knew it wasn't gonna happen again.

And she had to apologize to Jamie.

And she had to find Ned.

His hair had the tell tale sign that it had recently been wet. He'd probably been swimming. She could smell the cigarette from where she was, and she wasn't even downwind.

She'd put the tunic and leggings in her room and changed back into her cutoff shorts and the long sleeved green hoodie, though she'd pushed the sleeves to her elbows, and she'd put her yellow boots back on though she'd kept the cowboy boots, too, and feeling that much more like herself she still felt in no way prepared to discuss the past day with Ned.

"'s a bad habit," she said, voice husky, like it was trying to avoid being used.

Comments

[pokerplayereyes.livejournal.com]

"It's been a bad few days."

Ned took a long drag on his cigarette and then looked up at her, blowing out a stream of smoke.

"Thought I told you not to hurt yourself, darlin'?"

[un-gloved.livejournal.com]

"I picked a fight," she said, feeling fairly nonplussed about the whole thing. Then she ducked her head and swallowed, eyebrows drawing together a little.

"Hurts more'n I'm used to. But." She shrugged a little.

"...Ned, 'm sorry," she started, looking back up.

[pokerplayereyes.livejournal.com]

"Do I need to punch someone in the head?" Ned arched an eyebrow and flicked ash from his cigarette.

"Don't say that, darlin'." He shook his head and looked down, not quite able to look at her "Don't say sorry."

[un-gloved.livejournal.com]

That twisted something. She felt a tiny wrench of panic, and gave the slightest of starts, before reigning herself in.

"But I am, though. I didn't- I didn't remember anything past when I was seventeen. Didn't remember anything from hoem or- here, 'n I went around acting like a total punk 'n makin' a fool of muhself 'n- no, you don't need to go punchin' anyone, believe you me I did more'n enough of that foolishness for both of us, I'm sure." She was pretty sure she was rambling, which didn't happen much.

"You're mad at me," she said softly.

[pokerplayereyes.livejournal.com]

"I'm not mad at you," said Ned, quietly. "I thought I'd lost you. It's not the same thing at all."

He looked at the cigarette in his hand.

"Let me look at your face."

[un-gloved.livejournal.com]

She walked over until she stood just in front of him, stayed there for a moment, then dropped slowly and with perfect balance to kneeling before she sat with her legs tucked under her. She lifted a hand up and gently pushed the hand with the cigarette away.

[pokerplayereyes.livejournal.com]

Ned stubbed out the cigarette on the step beside him and lent in to brush his fingers over the bruise on her jaw.

"I'm gonna kill some bastard."

[un-gloved.livejournal.com]

"I started it," she said, lashes fluttering slightly at the touch in place of a wince, "'n I got him back just as good. He didn't mean it. It's fine, really."

[pokerplayereyes.livejournal.com]

"I don't care," said Ned grimly, turning her face so that he could get a better look at her face.

[un-gloved.livejournal.com]

"Ned, he's real sorry about it, really he-" She swallowed.

"I-" She sat back on her heels, tilting her head away. "Ned." This was hard to say. Harder than she'd anticipated. It shouldn't have been, she didn't think, it's not like she cheated, not her, not really. It was a case of doing something stupid when you were a teenager. It was just unfortunate that it overlapped with her adult life and an adult relationship.

She didn't much feel like an adult at the moment.

[pokerplayereyes.livejournal.com]

"What?" said Ned, moving his fingers away from her like she'd burnt him, and maybe she had. He tilted his head, unconciously mirroring the tilt of hers.

[un-gloved.livejournal.com]

"I did something really stupid," she said quietly. "Actually, that pretty much sums up everything I did, but..." She swallowed.

"Ned, it didn't... Oh, God. Okay." She looked back up at him, steadily. "I was being stupid and ridin' high on not having my powers, and..." Her voice quit the first time she tried to say 'I', but she forced it out the next.

"I kissed him." She managed not to curl over and hid her head between her knees until the situation went away.

[pokerplayereyes.livejournal.com]

Ned went very still, the dead cigarette still between the fingers of his free hand. He looked at the fingertips of the other, the ones that had been touching her moments before.

"Kissed who? The guy who hit you?"

He didn't look at her. Right then, he couldn't look at her.

[un-gloved.livejournal.com]

"Yeah," she said quietly, not able to look at him either. She was pretty used to feeling cheated on pretty much all of the time. She'd never had the opportunity to do the same to someone else. It was a lousy feeling.

And the worst part was, she hadn't even wanted to cheat on him. She could think of few things she wanted less.

[pokerplayereyes.livejournal.com]

Ned put the cigarette back between his lips and didn't relight it. His hand didn't shake.

"Oh."

[un-gloved.livejournal.com]

She lifted her hand as if to touch his, but held back, let her fingers hover before she drew them back.

"It didn't mean anything, to either of us, we don't- I'm not attracted to him. It was just... typical behavior from my seventeen year old self, which means not thinking an' taking advantage of any chance for a-" She ducked her head further. "To feel someone's touch."

[pokerplayereyes.livejournal.com]

Ned's jaw tightened. He thought about saying something about all she ever had to do was ask, but he turned his head away from her.

"Okay."

[un-gloved.livejournal.com]

"Ned," she said, leaning forward, trying to make eye contact, "I would never do that to you. You have to know that. I, me, as I am now, would never do that to you. I couldn't."

[pokerplayereyes.livejournal.com]

"I said okay, didn't I?"

He had no...road-map for this, no idea of how he was properly supposed to deal with this. He'd never done it before, never dealt with this sudden ache in his chest, or he had, but that had been to do with the city, not one girl, no matter how beautiful she was.

[un-gloved.livejournal.com]

"Ned," Rogue said, kneeling forward a little, reaching out to press her fingertips against his chest, "I know it isn't, 'n I know- I know it's a hell of a thing to swallow, and I'm sorry. Ned, I'm sorry," she said again, meaning it as hard as she'd ever meant anything.

[pokerplayereyes.livejournal.com]

Very slowly, very deliberately, Ned wrapped his hand around her wrist and separated them.

"I just..." He looked up at her. "Did I ever tell you how many times I slept with a girl I wasn't paying for before I met you?"

[un-gloved.livejournal.com]

Rogue came from a place where prostitution was illegal, and besides which spoke to a certain kind of lifestyle that was not one she had even remotely associated with Ned Coates. Her eyes were extremely round and the hurt of being physically pushed away was temporarily outranked.

"What?" she said.

[pokerplayereyes.livejournal.com]

"Before you," he said. "Seamstresses. Nice girls. Good to Coppers."

He shrugged.

"Easy, y'see? No ties. No..." he cleared his throat. "None of this."

[un-gloved.livejournal.com]

She understood what he was saying. It was difficult, at first, but she understood. She swallowed, looking down, frowning as she sorted through it.

"All of the closeness without bein' close," she said. "'n I had th'opposite. No, I had neither, cuz th'only other man I've ever loved couldn't tell the truth t'save his life and couldn't stay still t'save mine."

[pokerplayereyes.livejournal.com]

Ned winced and turned his hand, pulling hers back against his chest, pulling them closer together.

"My mother used to say that anythin' easy wasn't worth doing." His mouth tightened into something that was almost a smile. "My mother was a bitch."